Good girls like Bad boys

I've heard quite a number of complaints regarding the fairer sex. The saying "men like stability while women like change" has become one staple statement when discussions about the differences between sexes take place; along with the famous Chinese saying "men not bad, women don't love". So I've been mulling over these two statements for a while and have decided that to give my 2 cents worth.

First stop, I agree with both statements and have found that both statements are not mutually exclusive.

To understand this, one must first have at least some sort of understanding about how men and women operate. Now I am in no way any expert, so please do not quote/misquote me.

Men (well, most men) are logic driven. What that simply means is that they use their heads more than their hearts. Take for example, buying a car, a man is more likely to survey things like performance, petrol consumption, the price tag, and then looks. Whereas women, like me, will probably start with looks first then go down the line and end with performance. 6 speed gear box, 5 speed gear box whhhat??? I just chuck it to D and it drives! Again, this is seriously over generalized, there ARE men and women who don't fall into the above scenarios at all.

So when a man, at least my man, makes decisions, he is very likely to weigh out the pros and cons, keep their emotions aside and make the most 'logical' decision. That said, they are sometimes persuaded to do otherwise by their emotional side they like to label "passion". Tee hee!!

Whereas, women are really quite different. I observe many preschooler girls and they almost always like playing "house", "tea party", and "family". All plays include some form of nurturing. Somewhere some role will feature a mimicry of a mother telling the others how to act. There's always something that can be better in the house, some person that could hold the teacup more correctly, someone who needs to change the dolly's dirty diapers etc. I guess what I've really observed is how much girls like to fix things! So as we grow up, we carry with us a need to fix things we like to label "nurturing" or "bringing out the full potential of... insert name here... ". Which is why the "badder" guy we get, the more "nurturing" we can do! And to be able to single handedly 'CHANGE' our man gives us great pleasure. Then we feel oh-so-special and powerful. =/

This is where the issue starts. Men have surveyed their choice of a mate, paid the deposit and signed the documents. Now all there is to it is to sit down and enjoy his "purchase". But this unsuspecting fellow soon realizes that the paying never stops. There's a career he's expected to advance in, a fatter paycheck he's expected to rake in, an ever growing belly he's expected to not have, the trash he's expected to take out, the family outings he's expected to drive everyone to, the mr. fix-it-all, and know-it-all roles that he's supposed to pay. And at most times, when he thinks he's achieved THE goal, he's disappointed to find that all he gets is a pre-programmed congratulatory note that reads "congratulations Mr XXXX you have successfully conquered stage 1002, stage 1003 will commence in 3....2....1..." It is as though there's constantly something about him that needs fixing.

His wife more of less responsible for this. (sorry ladies, couldn't think of a nicer way to say this)

How?

Our little young minds were poisoned by Disneyland and fairy tales. The oh-so-cliche dashing heroic price's love for a maiden he's only met in a dream causes him to risks all and battle the ferocious dragon etc etc... he slays the dragon, saves the maiden, they fall in love, kiss, and "they lived happily ever after". As much as we hate to admit it, inside most girls, cynical or not, is this pining to be like Cinderella, Snow White and all her other fairy tale sisters. So we sit and wait for the romance, the proposal, the lavish wedding, and fuss when we meet reality. When we realise that there is no pumpkin carriage, there is no happily ever after without hard work, and there that young dashing courageous prince that you married, decides he has done enough, kicks back and relaxes over football on TV. All of a sudden you're left with the house to clean, baby to feed, change, wash etc. Then you look at this man and realise "oh gosh, I married a toad!!!" That's where the "nurturing" and "unleashing full potential" comes in. Most of the women I know resort to nagging, and other more violent means.

In short, women try very hard to make their men into something. I write this because I've been doing a bit of reflection these past months and realised that I am in fact, wifezilla. In pursuit of my happily ever after, I bombard my husband with things like "why can't you...." and then try to cover up and sweeten it by saying "but I know you, I know you can become better.. don't you want to be better?" *sigh* *cringe*.

So I went back to the source and asked God why we were made so different? Why are men and women on opposite poles. Well the only answer I got was that so they could learn to love, respect, care for what they are not. then they will learn what it means to subject themselves to someone, and to forsake all to care for that someone. I believe that men and women were made sooooooooo different for many sound reasons. Reasons which we fail to comprehend most times. But what is suffice to say is, that have we as husband and wife / boyfriend and girlfriend learned to respect, accept, care for and help our partners? Help yes help! Just because we're to accept our partners doesn't mean we turn a blind eye to all his/her faults and mark it off as 'that's just the way he is' I believe we were also made (like iron) to hone and sharpen the other, yes ladies you can cheer now. That means that change has to come and will come. But the key is how it is inspired to come.

I've been learning that what works for me is when I really look at all my husband has done and is doing, and to recognize all the effort he's put in. It doesn't matter if I think I could do a better job that him in half the time. The fact is that he has given his best. So recognition is called for. Then sincere praise comes in. Let me tell you my dear sisters, that when you praise you man sincerely, you'll make a WHOLE lot of impact as compared to hours of nagging (I've been down that road).

So yes, if we ever find that we want our partners to change, first look at ourselves to figure if we're pulling as much weight, then figure out an effective game plan. Afterall you and your partner are in it together!

So my dear sisters, have you recognized your husband's efforts today? =)