Baby Blog

Hellooo

I know I've been away from this blog for a long time now! Been occupied with our baby blog . Do pay a visit =D

I'll try harder the next time...

I love it when my students say "I'll try harder the next time". Through the defeat, they are able to see the greater treasure - that within every failure/success is a lesson to be learned. This year, I welcomed new students to my class. It was orientation all over again, I do not know them, neither do they know me. And I think this year, I've been a little... 'off'. I wonder if it's the hormones but I've been less sharp and more forgetful. *eeks*. I admit, 9 days into the new school calendar and I've already made some mistakes.

So as tomorrow concludes the second week of this new school year, I find myself saying "I'll try harder the next time". =)

This is going to be a heck of a year!! Oh Lord, be my guide!!!

6 days and counting...

In another 6 days, we would pass our 2 year mark after the "i do-s" . It's an amazing feeling! The only way we've survived thus far (cheh wah) is really because of God. To God be all the glory!

This anniversary is special. It'll mark the last anniversary we'll have as a couple. Come June next year, we'll have a little one and two will become three. Till then, we'll savor every moment as a duo.

=)

Exceeding Grace

We initially decided to keep this till Christmas, but oh well, who doesn't like a pleasant surprise? =)

Visit www.exceeding-grace.blogspot.com

=)

For those who have prayed with us, loved and encouraged us, Thank you so very much!

Engraved on our rings

This 8th December will mark 2 years since we've been together.

I'm a sucker for sentiments. As mentioned previously, I spent lots of time thinking of the theme for our wedding/marriage. So the rings were no exception. After cracking my head thinking of what should be engraved onto the wedding rings, I gave up and asked Justin to do the thinking. He came up with a phrase we'd used alot during out courtship: More than yesterday, less than tomorrow. It was an immediate thumbs up from me. Till now, that phrase still sends shivers down my spine, and awakens the butterflies in my stomach. Yup, 4 years down the line and it still works. =)

But we've not used this phrase for a long long while now. In fact we only use it on Birthday and Anniversary cards. Such is the reality of marriage.

Courtship was fun. It was ever-so-exciting! Being constantly on cloud 9, wanting arguments to go away as quickly as possible so we could be in each other's loving arms again... Constantly on the look out for new ways to surprise each other, to tell each other how much they are loved... and being ever so diligent to learn about the other. That was courtship for me.

Then came the engagement. Ooohhh what merriment! Big shiny rock to go with it too! =) But somewhere in between saying "Yes, I'll marry you!" and "I do", new arguments broke out. Suddenly how to manage the wedding budget was a source of stress, arguments, and tears. Suddenly how many kids we'd want and when we'd start getting them caused friction. Suddenly the sounds of "How come you don't care about (fill in the blanks)" and "Am I making the right decision to marry him/her" surface. Suddenly cloud 9 didn't seem so appealing anymore.

Then comes "I do". I kid you not when I say the first few years of marriage are tough, painful, and severely testing. It takes every ounce of you to combat house loans, car loans, new job scopes, new responsibilities, being on your own, discovering the beauty and ugliness of one another... the list goes on. I sat naively when ladies who are seasoned married women warned me of the impending "pain". I sat there and I remember thinking, not us la. We'll do just fine!

=) I now laugh at my ignorance.

Being in ANY relationship is tough for that matter. Marriage is just one of the worse I think. But to my dear friends who are unmarried or considering the prospect of marriage. Let me tell you, one cannot know how sweet the sweetest of wines are until one has tasted how bitter it can get. Don't shun the pain, the arguments, and the ugliness of marriage. That's just the reality of any relationship. Because if you try hard enough, hold on to God enough, you'll soon emerge from the bitter ugliness of marriage and taste the sweet beauty of it. A beauty that surpasses every other beauty.

I Look To You

I've been captivated by Whitney Houston's vocals for a long time... It was sad when news hit that she got into all sorts "mess". It was sad because I think deep down inside she was just seeking... lonely... and confused. Like all of us are sometimes. But she chose and detoured. Now it's as though she's gone full circle and she's finally back.

Her latest single - I Look to You was meant to be a worship song. This has been on my playlist for the whole night. Hope this encourages all of us who are lost, searching, tired, lonely, confused, and in between... May we all realise sooner that we are to always look to Him for all that we seek...

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
Im lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to

I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you

After losing my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you

(My levee's have broken, my walls have come)
Coming down on me
(Crumbling down on me)
All the rain is falling
(The rain is falling, defeat is calling)
Set me free
(I need you to set me free)

Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me

I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength has gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
Yeah

I look to you
I look to you

Could've been...

What came to mind when naming this post was Mandy Moore's song from A Walk to Remember. =/

I've had this impression for about 2 years now... that one day we'll get to heaven and God would show us the great plan He had for our lives, the unclaimed blessings, the alternate endings. And it is then that we'll realise that we could've been so much more. That's the part in the book of Revelations that talks about great weeping in heaven.

I've ponder a few times on what it would be like if I'd get to heaven one day, happy that I made it... only to be shown what I could've been. Not some bombastic, super-duper evangelist. But if I could've impacted so many more people, if I could've shone His light a little more, if I could've walked in places of faith that have never been visited before, if I could've experienced God so much more, if I could've been more effective hands and feet of God... I can only imagine how I'd respond.

So I leave you, dear reader, with the question... what if you get to heaven and realise you could've been so much more?

What would you do today?

I look at my role as wife, daughter, teacher, friend; and I wonder how many missed opportunities I've had, how many I've walked away from, rationalized away, and totally ignored.

Maybe getting to heaven isn't the whole deal. It's ultimately, living a fulfilled life glorifying God that counts. In the end, God tests our works by fire. How much of what you've done will stand the test?

WOOOO HOOOO!

Results released... we are MASTERS GRADUATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CELEBRATION!!!!!!

I Miss My Sister...

I hugged, kissed, and waved my sister goodbye today. She's currently some 30 thousand feet above sea level on her way to UK. I thought that all the training from sending my students off would help me toughen up for this. But nope... didn't work. I cried the minute I hugged her goodbye, then I cried all the way home, and even now I'm still crying. Gosh I miss my sister! She grew so fast, and now she's off to complete her degree. She'll only be back August 2010. So that's a whole 11 months of not having her around to argue with, scream at (and be screamed back at), to have her drive me around, to hug, to play with, to joke with etc...

I keep telling myself 11 months passes by soo quickly! Before I know it she'll be back. Sigh... easier said than done... I miss you so much Lynn...

By Derick

Here's something from a student of mine. I found this utterly amusing and profound!

Dancing ducks with dental floss,
Desperate dogs with dinosaurs,
Discouraged donkeys with district attorneys.
Such is life and all its mysteries.
- Derick Ong

Oohh the question he was given was "Using your own initial, either first or last, write a short shaped poem."

Gundam 00

I am not a fan of anime, simply put, I do not wait anxiously for new episodes every week, participate in fan forums. In fact my knowledge of anime is... well limited to almost zero. Only ones I've watched were Totoro (does that count?), Princess Mononoke, Ah My Goddess, Gundam 00. My siblings watch them, but I was never really drawn to them. I preferred the ang moh ones. Hehehehe...

But my hubs on the other end, likes anime. A while back he borrowed Gundam 00 season 1 from his sister. For the sake of bonding, I watched. Soon I got hooked on it and I downed Gundam just like I did Grey's Anatomy - one episode after another. Season 1 of Gundam ended very horribly... Almost every character we were made too identify with died. I remember leaving the last episode with a horrid horrid feeling (I get that when good guys don't win), and so I told Justin I never want to watch Gundam anymore!

Here I am, post graduation and Justin borrowed season 2. I didn't watch.. until episode 20. So Justin has been trying to fill me in on the many episodes I missed. Trying to piece things together, I realised something (that Justin later confirmed), there's so so so much philosophy in this anime! So many ideals, so many philosophies... Almost everyone is a purist, almost everyone is driven by some sense of a better future... by hope. Apparently, this is common knowledge to anime lovers: that anime have deep deep meanings behind them. Maybe that's why anime are so monumental.

Ooooo. I really like the ending theme song for Gundam 00 "Trust You". The music caught my ears, then I Googled the lyrics and found that it really made a lot of sense. Here they are:

English Translation
Like flowers dancing in the wind Like rain moistening the earth Although this world thrives on interdependence Why do people hurt each other? Why do we have to part?
Even if you're faraway In the depths of this heart Completely filled with that gentle smile The pieces of you that I held tight Are still connected in spite of pain, so I believe that we'll meet again I'm waiting for your love
I love you I trust you Share your loneliness with me I love you I trust you Even in light, even in darkness Because we're together we can believe in each other Don't leave me
Who watched the world end? Who proclaimed the end of the journey? It's a long night, and we cannot see the answers Still I hope you keep to the road you believed in Because at the end, light is waiting.
The song that you taught me Is still, in the deepest reaches of my heart Echoing, along with that gentle voice. Overflowing droplets of feelings Warmly run down my cheeks "Become stronger Believe We're connected" I'm always by your side
I love you I trust you The tears I've shed for you I love you I trust you Have taught me what love is No matter how lost you get I'll be by your side
I love you I trust you Share your loneliness with me I love you I trust you Even in light, even in darkness I love you I trust you Even in sadness, even in happiness I love you I trust you I want to protect everything that's yours
No matter how lost you get I'll be by your side Because we're together we can believe in each other Don't leave me

In need of some F.U.N.!

It's been about 3 weeks since handing up our last assignment for MA. I thought I'd be super free now, but I guess, life is meant to be packed? I shall make the best out of this life then. First thing on the list... Do something FUN!

We never thought work + masters for 3 years will reduce us to strangers to the concept of FUN. Ohhh Fun, how we miss thee... but the saddest thing was, it actually took us a while to think of ONE FUN thing to do... sad I know.

So here's no. 1 on our list (our only item)
1. Go snorkling, probably @ Pulau Perhentian

Suggestions welcomed!! What can we do for FUN???
we've watched 2 movies @ Signatures that was fun while it lasted
we've bought tonnes of DVDs which we also finished... fun while it lasted
what else??? what else???
Ooh Paintball's coming up in October with YA, but I fear I may chicken out following the last round's bruises.

Will you fill me?

Fill in the blanks.

If only I had ___________ I'd be so much happier/content/fulfilled!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

This little question can probably reveal a few basic insights into your life.
1. Whether or not you are generally content with your life.
2. Which one of your basic needs is not met.
3. What you are yearning/pining for.
4. Why you are currently unhappy/discontent with your life.

It is said that the general population is discontent with life and is to a certain extent unhappy with how life currently is. This discontent may work in many miraculous ways which we label as 'motivation'. I shall not dwell on that today. But I would like to pose another question...

I feel happy when I __________.

This question then gives us insight into where you'd normally get your fill.

We are hedonistic. We pursue the greatest amounts of pleasure while trying to avoid the slightest amount of pain. Almost everything we do is just that. So when we are discontent and unhappy with our life, we naturally seek out areas where we'd get our fill, things, people, places that would give us most pleasure and take away the pain. For some, it is in studying, for some, working, for others relationships, for others a bottle of whiskey, and the list goes on.

These 2 questions caught me today. Made me look long and hard on what I was missing and what I was filling up my life with. Would you take time out to ponder?

Mourning into Dancing

Mourning last for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning!!!

I just completed my thesis defense. The only word I can use to describe it is GRACE... no two words, ABUNDANT GRACE... Justin prayed for me this morning and he asked God to go before me like He always has... I admit I did not feel the least bit victorious... Not at all until the defense was done. God works in marvelous ways... He is ever present even when His presence is not known or acknowledged by us...

I want to thank everyone for praying for me. Before walking into the defense hall, I remembered the prayers and the faces of those who were so concerned. Thank you my darling husband, thank you my ever-so-sweet students, thank you mom, lynn, and dad, thank you Adelene for calling to check on me and to pray!!

Lastly, God, You are amazing... Even when I fail to acknowledge and run to You, You are still there, still patient, still loving, still true... Thank You... Thank You for the break, thank You for victory. =) Now, bring on the uprooting!

P.s. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for thesis and internship results... Will post here when I find out whether I'll be once again be putting on a graduation gown =D Anyone wanna come for our graduation? Hehehehehe

Season of Uprooting

I finally found the right phrase to describe this season in my life... A season of uprooting... I had previously thought that I understood what uprooting felt like... But nothing could prepare me for this season...

My former student pointed out a week ago... that 2009 was a tough year for me, and he followed up by asking how I was doing. It stunned me. Since October 2008... I hadn't allowed myself to feel and to reflect. Not deep enough that is.

October 2008 my precious dog Summer got sick. Lots of prayers and wresting with faith and doubt later, she passed away on 24th November 2008. She left a void in the hearts of my family members. We never talked much about it... cause that's just how my family works. Mourning can only last for a short time, then it's moving on to the next thing that needs to be done.

December 2008 was tough because this would be the first Christmas we celebrated without Mer... Still none of us really talked about it and I just carried on with life, shedding a tear or two when I would still imagine her in sleeping in her pail or waiting at the door when we would come home, regardless of how many times we went in and out those doors.

January 2009 was a fresh start... mentally I had psyched myself for a fresh new page. But counseling was taking a toll on me... seeing clients, doing reports, and seeing that graduation was no where in sight yet... still life was bearable.

March 2009, I got a scare when I started having the hunch that I was pregnant.. but it was too soon to check, so I waited.. for 3 weeks (agonizing actually) before the ClearBlue test stick showed a plus sign...

1 April 2009, it's confirmed, we were pregnant! But it was April fools so it was hard convincing people that it was real... I told God thank You. Because I felt that this was my break... the family's break!! Good days ahead man!!

May 2009, I looked forward to the doctor visits where I would get to stare at the ultrasound, proud and triumphant! But this didn't last very long... 20th May, on our 11th week visit, baby had no more heart beat. Still the thought and realization never really sank in... until 22nd May when we went for the D&C. Before the D&C I started spotting... and then it hit me... wow, my body is finally ready to let my baby go... and then it hit me hard... I've really lost my baby... my hopes, my dreams.. my desires... gone.

August 2009, was thesis due date month. After a long break I kicked up my heels and started polishing up my thesis. I finished it a good 4 days before due date. Was very proud of myself and again I thought Ok God, this is my break!! Woo hooo Life is going to get better now... 20th August, I got a phone call from my thesis supervisor saying that I had submitted an incomplete thesis.. I cannot begin to explain what I felt, a while later it hit me, I think I had submitted the wrong copy... After checking through, it was true... I made an extremely stupid, idiotic, and primitive mistake. All that went through my mind was that I was going to fail, I wish I could just die (literally) and I never make mistakes like that!

Tomorrow I face the panel who will mark my thesis. I do not know anymore what to expect. Prior to this, I could guess and plan for my future. Simple plans, nothing mega huge... Nothing hard, simple stuff.

Today, I no longer know what lies ahead, and it scares me very much.

We went for a checkup with the gynae on Monday, and she gave us the green light to try conceiving again. I thought I would be thrilled, but what greeted me was fear.

One of my favorite messages I used to tell my students was - dream big!! Now, I can't help but feel I dare not. I dare not look to the future and dream, hope, and plan.

Season of uprooting... I don't know how long more this is going to last... or how much more of this I can take. But somewhere deep down inside... I remember Ezekiel... The Lord will make the tall tree go short and the short tree grow tall.... He will make the green tree dry up and the dried tree flourish... then all the trees of the field will know that He alone is Lord. And I also remember that His grace is still exceeding, abundant, above and beyond everything I dare dream...

Oh Lord... May You come and come quickly... Give me hope and help me dream again... My soul thirsts for You...

There goes another one...

About 8 months ago I wrote a post... fly birdie fly... Tonight I shall write another one...

I thought it would get easier... the whole 'watching them grow up and leave the nest' experience. But tonight proved me wrong. Phoebe spread her wings and flew off to US tonight. At a tender age of 15, she's off to battle the world of American high schools, super cold weather and living in a basement.

There's something special about Phoebe... something that made it so so so hard to restraint myself from chaining her to me and saying "No, you are not leaving!!!". *sigh* The hardest part of doing the work I do is the relationship part. Everyone of them make at least one difference in my life. Tonight, I had to hold back and choke on my tears because yet another precious one has left the nest. Deep down I want so much for them to just stay where they are... But they have a whole life waiting for them! So many journeys God would like to take with them! So many more places to go and lives to impact! I know my students (each and every one of them) are life-changers!

Oh Lord, grant me the ability to stay above my emotions... Sigh... I don't know why I'm feeling these much emotions... I think I'm PMS-ing...

Safe flight Phoebe.

Beautifully Imperfect

Disneyland messed us all up I'd say. Before Disneyland, there was no "Happily Ever After" delusion, there was just the reality of marriage.

I would like to blog about the reality of marriage today. As a little girl, finding a prince to marry, having little children, staying at home and being a content and happy housewife was my goal. Despite of the many arguments between spouses I've witness in TV and real life, "Happily Ever After" was a reality to me.

At age 20 I met a peculiar spike-haired-blur-looking-but-very-attractive thin Chinese boy. At age 22, I started dating him, that same peculiar but now skin-headed-blur-looking-but-very-attractive slightly chubbier Chinese boy. At age 23, I was engaged to him. At age 24, I married him.

Soon after, I realised what my mom and mother-in-law said to be true - the first few years of marriage are immensely hard. In fact, my mother-in-law said "Aiyooo those were the worst worst years!". I smile now as I look back at all the arguments we had. First one was during our honeymoon over a petty petty issue.

Next Saturday, I would be married to this still-peculiar-but-very-very-attractive Chinse man for 1 year and 8 months. In another 4 months, it would be 2 years. In the course of this one year and 8 months, I've discovered more and more of his imperfections, big and small; just as he has discovered more and more of mine. We've fought, slammed doors, yelled, threw things, cried (lots of drama ya? =D ). And at times, these imperfections seem oh so annoying, not to mention irritating, frustrating and the list goes on.

But that is the reality of a marriage. Two distinctly different individuals coming together. Two strong wills becoming one. I had to learn the hard way that you don't become one just by saying some vows and consummating the marriage. Becoming one takes tonnes of hard work. Hard work that sometimes other married couples keep a tight lid on. I used to think, if only I knew how hard this was *insert host of complaints here*. So people don't generally like to talk about difficulties in marriage.

While I am not on a rampage of telling everyone with access to this blog space our deepest, darkest secrets. I will say this: Marriage is hard. Staying married is even harder. Staying in love adn glorifying God in the marriage is the hardest. But, I promise you, just like all those before me have promised me, that if you work at it, and let God be the focus and center of your marriage, it will yield 100 fold 1000 fold blessings, joy, satisfaction, and love that words cannot even begin to describe!

Day by day, we're learning that our oh-so-annoying imperfections are the things that make us, beautifully imperfect! And that these beautiful imperfections are what makes our marriage and us so perfect for each other.

Here's a tribute to my beautifully imperfect peculiar-blur-looking-exceedingly-attractive Chinese man. I love you with all my heart.

P/s. Please watch this video. Very impactful.

The Fear of Brokenness

Here in Your presence, I'm not afraid of brokenness - Kari Jobe "Beautiful"

Darlene Zschech once said that she constantly asks that her heart be broken everyday, so she'd never lose her tenderness and pliability.

To me the word broken meant a big no-no. I do not like nor wish to ever be broken. Being broken is synonymous to pain and suffering - something I spend most of my days trying to avoid. But living in a broken and fallen world means brokenness is inevitable. So futile were my efforts to avoid all pain.

Realised something interesting the other day when I reflected upon suffering and surviving. There's something different about being held in the hands of God and brokenness. Kari Jobe expressed it really well - here in Your presence, I'm not afraid of brokenness. (Thank you Bex for recommending this song). It is in the times where I am away from the Protector that I begin to fear brokenness. Conversely, it is in the times when I stay put in His presence, where brokenness becomes sustainable and even desirable. Afterall, He is love, and how broken can you get when you're surrounded, filled, and held in love? Simple enough yet so so hard to constantly remember this.

How often do I allow situations to shape my faith, rather than letting my faith shape situations. Justin reminded me this today: "we don't believe in God because circumstances are favorable to us, we believe in God because of who He is." Amen.

You are For Me

First heard this song in Hillsong Conference '09. The lyrics of this song swept me off my feet. It felt so personal, so gentle.... I really think this is a beautiful song we girls should learn to sing more. In our quest for self-acceptance and self-love, we often forget that "it is He who first loved us" makes all the difference. Because of who He is and His love for us, we can then love ourselves. When the Creator and King of kings is for us, how can we not find ourselves beautiful, significant, precious, and beloved? This song is for every girl who has gone down the path of self-doubt. Remember who He is and that He has chosen you to be His beloved.

You are for me - Kari Jobe



So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi...

Back from the land down under. Conference was great. But if I could summarize the trip in two words..: Rushed and Cold...

I forgot how biting Aussie weather is... =( And honestly, I was underpacked. But all in all, it was a good trip. Especially back to Adelaide - We plan to visit again =D

So many things to write about. Shall do it when I have the time. =D