The countdown on the baby blog reads 27 days. We're currently at 36 weeks 1 day, that's 6 days from being full term.
How am I feeling?
Anxious, excited, scared... and sometimes numb.
What am I doing?
Well... nesting is starting I think, we've set up the cot and organized her baby stuff. Still in need of a chest of drawers for her, but that will have to wait till later. Other than that, I've been reading up about natural delivery and C sections.
What else do we need?
A name. Lots of prayers for her to turn right side up/down. A chest of drawers. More sleep. Err... I think that's just about it.
I guess... what's been occupying my mind these days and nights are how she's enter this world, and whether we'll be able to cope with and provide for her well enough. Whether or not we'll do a good enough job raising her. Whether or not we'll be able to keep her safe. Whether or not we'll be able to train her in the ways of the Lord and finally release her into her God given ministry... Sigh... Pregnancy and parenthood really brings with it lots of worries. =/
So as I count down the days... I thank God that His presence goes before us and with us... Thank You Lord.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Baby Registry is Officially Open!
We would like to hereby announce the opening of our Baby Registry!!
We already have a few items taken up by wonderful wonderful friends (THANK YOU!)
Feel free to browse our page should you like to bless our little one with a gift =)
Once again, thank you for dropping by!
.:Baby Registry:.
Love,
Justin & Sher
We already have a few items taken up by wonderful wonderful friends (THANK YOU!)
Feel free to browse our page should you like to bless our little one with a gift =)
Once again, thank you for dropping by!
.:Baby Registry:.
Love,
Justin & Sher
Thursday, April 01, 2010
The first strand
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken - Ecclesiastes 4:12
This was the verse that came to my husband before he decided to court me. It never really became my verse... mine was Ephesians 3:20. But today, it hit me. After many years, it finally sank in deep.
See... turbulence, storms, and nasties are a given any relationship, more so that between husband and wife. It became clear to me today how easy it is for both parties to see only from their focal point. Because that's all we have: our point of view. We know what we feel, what we mean, what we want, what we're getting or not getting, when and how we've been wrong... but the same can't always be said when it comes to seeing and feeling all those things as our partners would; simply because we are not our partners.
So when an argument breaks forth, all we have are our wounds, our feelings, our unmet needs, and our claims; of course with the occasional trying-to-walk-a-mile-in-our-partner's-shoes. So if both parties are arguing only for their own claims, the argument will escalate and the only solution is when one "dies to self". Believe me... "dying to self" is something I dislike... in fact if I have to "die to self" I go down with a big bang... sigh.
Back to the third strand. Ecclesiastes says that a cord of three strands is not easily broken. We often see the couple as the 1st and 2nd strand and God the 3rd. When in fact God should be the first. How this works in theory is quite uncomplicated... Husband is linked to God, wife is linked to God, God links both husband and wife together.
When husband and wife argue, they need to run to their 1st cord - God. This cord is a life-giving cord. Like the umbilical cord it pours out fresh anointing, fresh love, fresh understanding, fresh grace.. and in light of these selfishness, hurts, and anger has to melt away. When these nasties are gone, it becomes progressively easier to come back together again, to sit down and talk, to love each other again.
The umbilical cord spoke today, a very simple truth... yet something my parched soul longer to hear for months: you are Mine. Beautiful isn't it? To know that I am His... to know that I am loved for me and even though I stumble, I am still His.
To my fellow friends who are in a romantic relationship, please do not forget your first strand. He is the strand that will cause this marriage cord to withstand the test of life and time.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Meat vs Candy
I shared with my cell group 2 weeks ago, something I've kept to myself for 10 months now. I told my cell... I've been feeling like God just isn't here anymore... Like He's let me down. Lots of arrogance can be read in that last line.. "He's let me down". One can go down the path and argue about how we are mere mortal and how dare I say He's let me down etc... Which is why I've kept it to myself till now.
Often times we're looking to God for some good zapping. You know the kind you get at youth concerts, camps, and altar calls? The ones that sweep you off your feet, leave you breathless, and crying your eyes silly, and leaves rivers of snot gushing down from your nose and totally wipes pride off of any self respecting controlled facade you've been trying to hold up? Yeap, that kinda zapping.
But there comes a time where God says, nope, a zapping's not what you need now my dear. You need REAL FOOD!! Meat, not candy!
So how does meat look like? Since I've been so accustomed to "candy"?
I just realised today... that for me.. meat looked like this:
1. for the past 10 months, I've been through some hardship but I'm still alive and kicking
2. my relationship with my husband has increased to greater heights and deeper depths
3. I have a beautiful baby on her way. God has taken care of her thus far
4. I still have enough.
5. I still have the strength to take on life's challenges, demands, and duties
The problem with meat... in my opinion... is that meat is not like candy... it doesn't give you that rush. There's no high when you eat meat. But slowly and surely, you'll realise you're growing. You don't notice how your body has been nourished, but you are healthy, you have strength to work, you are growing!
So I think that's why God would rather give us meat than candy. Yes, a rush (zap) on and off is real good.. but when we start craving only for candy?? Oh dear... Imagine a diet built solely upon candy? How then will this army of God be able to rise up and fight when needed to? How then will this army be able to win back souls from the gates of hell?
So yeah. He hasn't let me down. I've not had candy for awhile now. But I'm sure getting lots of meat! =D
Often times we're looking to God for some good zapping. You know the kind you get at youth concerts, camps, and altar calls? The ones that sweep you off your feet, leave you breathless, and crying your eyes silly, and leaves rivers of snot gushing down from your nose and totally wipes pride off of any self respecting controlled facade you've been trying to hold up? Yeap, that kinda zapping.
But there comes a time where God says, nope, a zapping's not what you need now my dear. You need REAL FOOD!! Meat, not candy!
So how does meat look like? Since I've been so accustomed to "candy"?
I just realised today... that for me.. meat looked like this:
1. for the past 10 months, I've been through some hardship but I'm still alive and kicking
2. my relationship with my husband has increased to greater heights and deeper depths
3. I have a beautiful baby on her way. God has taken care of her thus far
4. I still have enough.
5. I still have the strength to take on life's challenges, demands, and duties
The problem with meat... in my opinion... is that meat is not like candy... it doesn't give you that rush. There's no high when you eat meat. But slowly and surely, you'll realise you're growing. You don't notice how your body has been nourished, but you are healthy, you have strength to work, you are growing!
So I think that's why God would rather give us meat than candy. Yes, a rush (zap) on and off is real good.. but when we start craving only for candy?? Oh dear... Imagine a diet built solely upon candy? How then will this army of God be able to rise up and fight when needed to? How then will this army be able to win back souls from the gates of hell?
So yeah. He hasn't let me down. I've not had candy for awhile now. But I'm sure getting lots of meat! =D
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I'll try harder the next time...
I love it when my students say "I'll try harder the next time". Through the defeat, they are able to see the greater treasure - that within every failure/success is a lesson to be learned. This year, I welcomed new students to my class. It was orientation all over again, I do not know them, neither do they know me. And I think this year, I've been a little... 'off'. I wonder if it's the hormones but I've been less sharp and more forgetful. *eeks*. I admit, 9 days into the new school calendar and I've already made some mistakes.
So as tomorrow concludes the second week of this new school year, I find myself saying "I'll try harder the next time". =)
This is going to be a heck of a year!! Oh Lord, be my guide!!!
So as tomorrow concludes the second week of this new school year, I find myself saying "I'll try harder the next time". =)
This is going to be a heck of a year!! Oh Lord, be my guide!!!
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
6 days and counting...
In another 6 days, we would pass our 2 year mark after the "i do-s" . It's an amazing feeling! The only way we've survived thus far (cheh wah) is really because of God. To God be all the glory!
This anniversary is special. It'll mark the last anniversary we'll have as a couple. Come June next year, we'll have a little one and two will become three. Till then, we'll savor every moment as a duo.
This anniversary is special. It'll mark the last anniversary we'll have as a couple. Come June next year, we'll have a little one and two will become three. Till then, we'll savor every moment as a duo.
=)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Exceeding Grace
We initially decided to keep this till Christmas, but oh well, who doesn't like a pleasant surprise? =)
Visit www.exceeding-grace.blogspot.com
=)
For those who have prayed with us, loved and encouraged us, Thank you so very much!
Visit www.exceeding-grace.blogspot.com
=)
For those who have prayed with us, loved and encouraged us, Thank you so very much!
Monday, November 02, 2009
Engraved on our rings
This 8th December will mark 2 years since we've been together.
I'm a sucker for sentiments. As mentioned previously, I spent lots of time thinking of the theme for our wedding/marriage. So the rings were no exception. After cracking my head thinking of what should be engraved onto the wedding rings, I gave up and asked Justin to do the thinking. He came up with a phrase we'd used alot during out courtship: More than yesterday, less than tomorrow. It was an immediate thumbs up from me. Till now, that phrase still sends shivers down my spine, and awakens the butterflies in my stomach. Yup, 4 years down the line and it still works. =)
But we've not used this phrase for a long long while now. In fact we only use it on Birthday and Anniversary cards. Such is the reality of marriage.
Courtship was fun. It was ever-so-exciting! Being constantly on cloud 9, wanting arguments to go away as quickly as possible so we could be in each other's loving arms again... Constantly on the look out for new ways to surprise each other, to tell each other how much they are loved... and being ever so diligent to learn about the other. That was courtship for me.
Then came the engagement. Ooohhh what merriment! Big shiny rock to go with it too! =) But somewhere in between saying "Yes, I'll marry you!" and "I do", new arguments broke out. Suddenly how to manage the wedding budget was a source of stress, arguments, and tears. Suddenly how many kids we'd want and when we'd start getting them caused friction. Suddenly the sounds of "How come you don't care about (fill in the blanks)" and "Am I making the right decision to marry him/her" surface. Suddenly cloud 9 didn't seem so appealing anymore.
Then comes "I do". I kid you not when I say the first few years of marriage are tough, painful, and severely testing. It takes every ounce of you to combat house loans, car loans, new job scopes, new responsibilities, being on your own, discovering the beauty and ugliness of one another... the list goes on. I sat naively when ladies who are seasoned married women warned me of the impending "pain". I sat there and I remember thinking, not us la. We'll do just fine!
=) I now laugh at my ignorance.
Being in ANY relationship is tough for that matter. Marriage is just one of the worse I think. But to my dear friends who are unmarried or considering the prospect of marriage. Let me tell you, one cannot know how sweet the sweetest of wines are until one has tasted how bitter it can get. Don't shun the pain, the arguments, and the ugliness of marriage. That's just the reality of any relationship. Because if you try hard enough, hold on to God enough, you'll soon emerge from the bitter ugliness of marriage and taste the sweet beauty of it. A beauty that surpasses every other beauty.
I'm a sucker for sentiments. As mentioned previously, I spent lots of time thinking of the theme for our wedding/marriage. So the rings were no exception. After cracking my head thinking of what should be engraved onto the wedding rings, I gave up and asked Justin to do the thinking. He came up with a phrase we'd used alot during out courtship: More than yesterday, less than tomorrow. It was an immediate thumbs up from me. Till now, that phrase still sends shivers down my spine, and awakens the butterflies in my stomach. Yup, 4 years down the line and it still works. =)
But we've not used this phrase for a long long while now. In fact we only use it on Birthday and Anniversary cards. Such is the reality of marriage.
Courtship was fun. It was ever-so-exciting! Being constantly on cloud 9, wanting arguments to go away as quickly as possible so we could be in each other's loving arms again... Constantly on the look out for new ways to surprise each other, to tell each other how much they are loved... and being ever so diligent to learn about the other. That was courtship for me.
Then came the engagement. Ooohhh what merriment! Big shiny rock to go with it too! =) But somewhere in between saying "Yes, I'll marry you!" and "I do", new arguments broke out. Suddenly how to manage the wedding budget was a source of stress, arguments, and tears. Suddenly how many kids we'd want and when we'd start getting them caused friction. Suddenly the sounds of "How come you don't care about (fill in the blanks)" and "Am I making the right decision to marry him/her" surface. Suddenly cloud 9 didn't seem so appealing anymore.
Then comes "I do". I kid you not when I say the first few years of marriage are tough, painful, and severely testing. It takes every ounce of you to combat house loans, car loans, new job scopes, new responsibilities, being on your own, discovering the beauty and ugliness of one another... the list goes on. I sat naively when ladies who are seasoned married women warned me of the impending "pain". I sat there and I remember thinking, not us la. We'll do just fine!
=) I now laugh at my ignorance.
Being in ANY relationship is tough for that matter. Marriage is just one of the worse I think. But to my dear friends who are unmarried or considering the prospect of marriage. Let me tell you, one cannot know how sweet the sweetest of wines are until one has tasted how bitter it can get. Don't shun the pain, the arguments, and the ugliness of marriage. That's just the reality of any relationship. Because if you try hard enough, hold on to God enough, you'll soon emerge from the bitter ugliness of marriage and taste the sweet beauty of it. A beauty that surpasses every other beauty.
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Look To You
I've been captivated by Whitney Houston's vocals for a long time... It was sad when news hit that she got into all sorts "mess". It was sad because I think deep down inside she was just seeking... lonely... and confused. Like all of us are sometimes. But she chose and detoured. Now it's as though she's gone full circle and she's finally back.
Her latest single - I Look to You was meant to be a worship song. This has been on my playlist for the whole night. Hope this encourages all of us who are lost, searching, tired, lonely, confused, and in between... May we all realise sooner that we are to always look to Him for all that we seek...
Her latest single - I Look to You was meant to be a worship song. This has been on my playlist for the whole night. Hope this encourages all of us who are lost, searching, tired, lonely, confused, and in between... May we all realise sooner that we are to always look to Him for all that we seek...
As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
Im lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to
I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
After losing my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
(My levee's have broken, my walls have come)
Coming down on me
(Crumbling down on me)
All the rain is falling
(The rain is falling, defeat is calling)
Set me free
(I need you to set me free)
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength has gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
Yeah
I look to you
I look to you
Heaven hear me now
Im lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to
I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
After losing my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
(My levee's have broken, my walls have come)
Coming down on me
(Crumbling down on me)
All the rain is falling
(The rain is falling, defeat is calling)
Set me free
(I need you to set me free)
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength has gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
Yeah
I look to you
I look to you
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Could've been...
What came to mind when naming this post was Mandy Moore's song from A Walk to Remember. =/
I've had this impression for about 2 years now... that one day we'll get to heaven and God would show us the great plan He had for our lives, the unclaimed blessings, the alternate endings. And it is then that we'll realise that we could've been so much more. That's the part in the book of Revelations that talks about great weeping in heaven.
I've ponder a few times on what it would be like if I'd get to heaven one day, happy that I made it... only to be shown what I could've been. Not some bombastic, super-duper evangelist. But if I could've impacted so many more people, if I could've shone His light a little more, if I could've walked in places of faith that have never been visited before, if I could've experienced God so much more, if I could've been more effective hands and feet of God... I can only imagine how I'd respond.
So I leave you, dear reader, with the question... what if you get to heaven and realise you could've been so much more?
What would you do today?
I look at my role as wife, daughter, teacher, friend; and I wonder how many missed opportunities I've had, how many I've walked away from, rationalized away, and totally ignored.
Maybe getting to heaven isn't the whole deal. It's ultimately, living a fulfilled life glorifying God that counts. In the end, God tests our works by fire. How much of what you've done will stand the test?
I've had this impression for about 2 years now... that one day we'll get to heaven and God would show us the great plan He had for our lives, the unclaimed blessings, the alternate endings. And it is then that we'll realise that we could've been so much more. That's the part in the book of Revelations that talks about great weeping in heaven.
I've ponder a few times on what it would be like if I'd get to heaven one day, happy that I made it... only to be shown what I could've been. Not some bombastic, super-duper evangelist. But if I could've impacted so many more people, if I could've shone His light a little more, if I could've walked in places of faith that have never been visited before, if I could've experienced God so much more, if I could've been more effective hands and feet of God... I can only imagine how I'd respond.
So I leave you, dear reader, with the question... what if you get to heaven and realise you could've been so much more?
What would you do today?
I look at my role as wife, daughter, teacher, friend; and I wonder how many missed opportunities I've had, how many I've walked away from, rationalized away, and totally ignored.
Maybe getting to heaven isn't the whole deal. It's ultimately, living a fulfilled life glorifying God that counts. In the end, God tests our works by fire. How much of what you've done will stand the test?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
WOOOO HOOOO!
Results released... we are MASTERS GRADUATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CELEBRATION!!!!!!
CELEBRATION!!!!!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
I Miss My Sister...
I hugged, kissed, and waved my sister goodbye today. She's currently some 30 thousand feet above sea level on her way to UK. I thought that all the training from sending my students off would help me toughen up for this. But nope... didn't work. I cried the minute I hugged her goodbye, then I cried all the way home, and even now I'm still crying. Gosh I miss my sister! She grew so fast, and now she's off to complete her degree. She'll only be back August 2010. So that's a whole 11 months of not having her around to argue with, scream at (and be screamed back at), to have her drive me around, to hug, to play with, to joke with etc...
I keep telling myself 11 months passes by soo quickly! Before I know it she'll be back. Sigh... easier said than done... I miss you so much Lynn...
I keep telling myself 11 months passes by soo quickly! Before I know it she'll be back. Sigh... easier said than done... I miss you so much Lynn...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
By Derick
Here's something from a student of mine. I found this utterly amusing and profound!
Oohh the question he was given was "Using your own initial, either first or last, write a short shaped poem."
Dancing ducks with dental floss,
Desperate dogs with dinosaurs,
Discouraged donkeys with district attorneys.
Such is life and all its mysteries.
- Derick Ong
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Gundam 00
I am not a fan of anime, simply put, I do not wait anxiously for new episodes every week, participate in fan forums. In fact my knowledge of anime is... well limited to almost zero. Only ones I've watched were Totoro (does that count?), Princess Mononoke, Ah My Goddess, Gundam 00. My siblings watch them, but I was never really drawn to them. I preferred the ang moh ones. Hehehehe...
But my hubs on the other end, likes anime. A while back he borrowed Gundam 00 season 1 from his sister. For the sake of bonding, I watched. Soon I got hooked on it and I downed Gundam just like I did Grey's Anatomy - one episode after another. Season 1 of Gundam ended very horribly... Almost every character we were made too identify with died. I remember leaving the last episode with a horrid horrid feeling (I get that when good guys don't win), and so I told Justin I never want to watch Gundam anymore!
Here I am, post graduation and Justin borrowed season 2. I didn't watch.. until episode 20. So Justin has been trying to fill me in on the many episodes I missed. Trying to piece things together, I realised something (that Justin later confirmed), there's so so so much philosophy in this anime! So many ideals, so many philosophies... Almost everyone is a purist, almost everyone is driven by some sense of a better future... by hope. Apparently, this is common knowledge to anime lovers: that anime have deep deep meanings behind them. Maybe that's why anime are so monumental.
Ooooo. I really like the ending theme song for Gundam 00 "Trust You". The music caught my ears, then I Googled the lyrics and found that it really made a lot of sense. Here they are:
But my hubs on the other end, likes anime. A while back he borrowed Gundam 00 season 1 from his sister. For the sake of bonding, I watched. Soon I got hooked on it and I downed Gundam just like I did Grey's Anatomy - one episode after another. Season 1 of Gundam ended very horribly... Almost every character we were made too identify with died. I remember leaving the last episode with a horrid horrid feeling (I get that when good guys don't win), and so I told Justin I never want to watch Gundam anymore!
Here I am, post graduation and Justin borrowed season 2. I didn't watch.. until episode 20. So Justin has been trying to fill me in on the many episodes I missed. Trying to piece things together, I realised something (that Justin later confirmed), there's so so so much philosophy in this anime! So many ideals, so many philosophies... Almost everyone is a purist, almost everyone is driven by some sense of a better future... by hope. Apparently, this is common knowledge to anime lovers: that anime have deep deep meanings behind them. Maybe that's why anime are so monumental.
Ooooo. I really like the ending theme song for Gundam 00 "Trust You". The music caught my ears, then I Googled the lyrics and found that it really made a lot of sense. Here they are:
| English Translation |
|---|
Like flowers dancing in the wind |
Even if you're faraway |
I love you |
Who watched the world end? |
The song that you taught me |
I love you |
I love you |
No matter how lost you get |
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
In need of some F.U.N.!
It's been about 3 weeks since handing up our last assignment for MA. I thought I'd be super free now, but I guess, life is meant to be packed? I shall make the best out of this life then. First thing on the list... Do something FUN!
We never thought work + masters for 3 years will reduce us to strangers to the concept of FUN. Ohhh Fun, how we miss thee... but the saddest thing was, it actually took us a while to think of ONE FUN thing to do... sad I know.
So here's no. 1 on our list (our only item)
1. Go snorkling, probably @ Pulau Perhentian
Suggestions welcomed!! What can we do for FUN???
we've watched 2 movies @ Signatures that was fun while it lasted
we've bought tonnes of DVDs which we also finished... fun while it lasted
what else??? what else???
Ooh Paintball's coming up in October with YA, but I fear I may chicken out following the last round's bruises.
We never thought work + masters for 3 years will reduce us to strangers to the concept of FUN. Ohhh Fun, how we miss thee... but the saddest thing was, it actually took us a while to think of ONE FUN thing to do... sad I know.
So here's no. 1 on our list (our only item)
1. Go snorkling, probably @ Pulau Perhentian
Suggestions welcomed!! What can we do for FUN???
we've watched 2 movies @ Signatures that was fun while it lasted
we've bought tonnes of DVDs which we also finished... fun while it lasted
what else??? what else???
Ooh Paintball's coming up in October with YA, but I fear I may chicken out following the last round's bruises.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Will you fill me?
Fill in the blanks.
If only I had ___________ I'd be so much happier/content/fulfilled!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If only I had ___________ I'd be so much happier/content/fulfilled!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
This little question can probably reveal a few basic insights into your life.
1. Whether or not you are generally content with your life.
2. Which one of your basic needs is not met.
3. What you are yearning/pining for.
4. Why you are currently unhappy/discontent with your life.
It is said that the general population is discontent with life and is to a certain extent unhappy with how life currently is. This discontent may work in many miraculous ways which we label as 'motivation'. I shall not dwell on that today. But I would like to pose another question...
I feel happy when I __________.
This question then gives us insight into where you'd normally get your fill.
We are hedonistic. We pursue the greatest amounts of pleasure while trying to avoid the slightest amount of pain. Almost everything we do is just that. So when we are discontent and unhappy with our life, we naturally seek out areas where we'd get our fill, things, people, places that would give us most pleasure and take away the pain. For some, it is in studying, for some, working, for others relationships, for others a bottle of whiskey, and the list goes on.
These 2 questions caught me today. Made me look long and hard on what I was missing and what I was filling up my life with. Would you take time out to ponder?
1. Whether or not you are generally content with your life.
2. Which one of your basic needs is not met.
3. What you are yearning/pining for.
4. Why you are currently unhappy/discontent with your life.
It is said that the general population is discontent with life and is to a certain extent unhappy with how life currently is. This discontent may work in many miraculous ways which we label as 'motivation'. I shall not dwell on that today. But I would like to pose another question...
I feel happy when I __________.
This question then gives us insight into where you'd normally get your fill.
We are hedonistic. We pursue the greatest amounts of pleasure while trying to avoid the slightest amount of pain. Almost everything we do is just that. So when we are discontent and unhappy with our life, we naturally seek out areas where we'd get our fill, things, people, places that would give us most pleasure and take away the pain. For some, it is in studying, for some, working, for others relationships, for others a bottle of whiskey, and the list goes on.
These 2 questions caught me today. Made me look long and hard on what I was missing and what I was filling up my life with. Would you take time out to ponder?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Mourning into Dancing
Mourning last for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning!!!
I just completed my thesis defense. The only word I can use to describe it is GRACE... no two words, ABUNDANT GRACE... Justin prayed for me this morning and he asked God to go before me like He always has... I admit I did not feel the least bit victorious... Not at all until the defense was done. God works in marvelous ways... He is ever present even when His presence is not known or acknowledged by us...
I want to thank everyone for praying for me. Before walking into the defense hall, I remembered the prayers and the faces of those who were so concerned. Thank you my darling husband, thank you my ever-so-sweet students, thank you mom, lynn, and dad, thank you Adelene for calling to check on me and to pray!!
Lastly, God, You are amazing... Even when I fail to acknowledge and run to You, You are still there, still patient, still loving, still true... Thank You... Thank You for the break, thank You for victory. =) Now, bring on the uprooting!
P.s. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for thesis and internship results... Will post here when I find out whether I'll be once again be putting on a graduation gown =D Anyone wanna come for our graduation? Hehehehehe
I just completed my thesis defense. The only word I can use to describe it is GRACE... no two words, ABUNDANT GRACE... Justin prayed for me this morning and he asked God to go before me like He always has... I admit I did not feel the least bit victorious... Not at all until the defense was done. God works in marvelous ways... He is ever present even when His presence is not known or acknowledged by us...
I want to thank everyone for praying for me. Before walking into the defense hall, I remembered the prayers and the faces of those who were so concerned. Thank you my darling husband, thank you my ever-so-sweet students, thank you mom, lynn, and dad, thank you Adelene for calling to check on me and to pray!!
Lastly, God, You are amazing... Even when I fail to acknowledge and run to You, You are still there, still patient, still loving, still true... Thank You... Thank You for the break, thank You for victory. =) Now, bring on the uprooting!
P.s. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for thesis and internship results... Will post here when I find out whether I'll be once again be putting on a graduation gown =D Anyone wanna come for our graduation? Hehehehehe
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Season of Uprooting
I finally found the right phrase to describe this season in my life... A season of uprooting... I had previously thought that I understood what uprooting felt like... But nothing could prepare me for this season...
My former student pointed out a week ago... that 2009 was a tough year for me, and he followed up by asking how I was doing. It stunned me. Since October 2008... I hadn't allowed myself to feel and to reflect. Not deep enough that is.
October 2008 my precious dog Summer got sick. Lots of prayers and wresting with faith and doubt later, she passed away on 24th November 2008. She left a void in the hearts of my family members. We never talked much about it... cause that's just how my family works. Mourning can only last for a short time, then it's moving on to the next thing that needs to be done.
December 2008 was tough because this would be the first Christmas we celebrated without Mer... Still none of us really talked about it and I just carried on with life, shedding a tear or two when I would still imagine her in sleeping in her pail or waiting at the door when we would come home, regardless of how many times we went in and out those doors.
January 2009 was a fresh start... mentally I had psyched myself for a fresh new page. But counseling was taking a toll on me... seeing clients, doing reports, and seeing that graduation was no where in sight yet... still life was bearable.
March 2009, I got a scare when I started having the hunch that I was pregnant.. but it was too soon to check, so I waited.. for 3 weeks (agonizing actually) before the ClearBlue test stick showed a plus sign...
1 April 2009, it's confirmed, we were pregnant! But it was April fools so it was hard convincing people that it was real... I told God thank You. Because I felt that this was my break... the family's break!! Good days ahead man!!
May 2009, I looked forward to the doctor visits where I would get to stare at the ultrasound, proud and triumphant! But this didn't last very long... 20th May, on our 11th week visit, baby had no more heart beat. Still the thought and realization never really sank in... until 22nd May when we went for the D&C. Before the D&C I started spotting... and then it hit me... wow, my body is finally ready to let my baby go... and then it hit me hard... I've really lost my baby... my hopes, my dreams.. my desires... gone.
August 2009, was thesis due date month. After a long break I kicked up my heels and started polishing up my thesis. I finished it a good 4 days before due date. Was very proud of myself and again I thought Ok God, this is my break!! Woo hooo Life is going to get better now... 20th August, I got a phone call from my thesis supervisor saying that I had submitted an incomplete thesis.. I cannot begin to explain what I felt, a while later it hit me, I think I had submitted the wrong copy... After checking through, it was true... I made an extremely stupid, idiotic, and primitive mistake. All that went through my mind was that I was going to fail, I wish I could just die (literally) and I never make mistakes like that!
Tomorrow I face the panel who will mark my thesis. I do not know anymore what to expect. Prior to this, I could guess and plan for my future. Simple plans, nothing mega huge... Nothing hard, simple stuff.
Today, I no longer know what lies ahead, and it scares me very much.
We went for a checkup with the gynae on Monday, and she gave us the green light to try conceiving again. I thought I would be thrilled, but what greeted me was fear.
One of my favorite messages I used to tell my students was - dream big!! Now, I can't help but feel I dare not. I dare not look to the future and dream, hope, and plan.
Season of uprooting... I don't know how long more this is going to last... or how much more of this I can take. But somewhere deep down inside... I remember Ezekiel... The Lord will make the tall tree go short and the short tree grow tall.... He will make the green tree dry up and the dried tree flourish... then all the trees of the field will know that He alone is Lord. And I also remember that His grace is still exceeding, abundant, above and beyond everything I dare dream...
Oh Lord... May You come and come quickly... Give me hope and help me dream again... My soul thirsts for You...
My former student pointed out a week ago... that 2009 was a tough year for me, and he followed up by asking how I was doing. It stunned me. Since October 2008... I hadn't allowed myself to feel and to reflect. Not deep enough that is.
October 2008 my precious dog Summer got sick. Lots of prayers and wresting with faith and doubt later, she passed away on 24th November 2008. She left a void in the hearts of my family members. We never talked much about it... cause that's just how my family works. Mourning can only last for a short time, then it's moving on to the next thing that needs to be done.
December 2008 was tough because this would be the first Christmas we celebrated without Mer... Still none of us really talked about it and I just carried on with life, shedding a tear or two when I would still imagine her in sleeping in her pail or waiting at the door when we would come home, regardless of how many times we went in and out those doors.
January 2009 was a fresh start... mentally I had psyched myself for a fresh new page. But counseling was taking a toll on me... seeing clients, doing reports, and seeing that graduation was no where in sight yet... still life was bearable.
March 2009, I got a scare when I started having the hunch that I was pregnant.. but it was too soon to check, so I waited.. for 3 weeks (agonizing actually) before the ClearBlue test stick showed a plus sign...
1 April 2009, it's confirmed, we were pregnant! But it was April fools so it was hard convincing people that it was real... I told God thank You. Because I felt that this was my break... the family's break!! Good days ahead man!!
May 2009, I looked forward to the doctor visits where I would get to stare at the ultrasound, proud and triumphant! But this didn't last very long... 20th May, on our 11th week visit, baby had no more heart beat. Still the thought and realization never really sank in... until 22nd May when we went for the D&C. Before the D&C I started spotting... and then it hit me... wow, my body is finally ready to let my baby go... and then it hit me hard... I've really lost my baby... my hopes, my dreams.. my desires... gone.
August 2009, was thesis due date month. After a long break I kicked up my heels and started polishing up my thesis. I finished it a good 4 days before due date. Was very proud of myself and again I thought Ok God, this is my break!! Woo hooo Life is going to get better now... 20th August, I got a phone call from my thesis supervisor saying that I had submitted an incomplete thesis.. I cannot begin to explain what I felt, a while later it hit me, I think I had submitted the wrong copy... After checking through, it was true... I made an extremely stupid, idiotic, and primitive mistake. All that went through my mind was that I was going to fail, I wish I could just die (literally) and I never make mistakes like that!
Tomorrow I face the panel who will mark my thesis. I do not know anymore what to expect. Prior to this, I could guess and plan for my future. Simple plans, nothing mega huge... Nothing hard, simple stuff.
Today, I no longer know what lies ahead, and it scares me very much.
We went for a checkup with the gynae on Monday, and she gave us the green light to try conceiving again. I thought I would be thrilled, but what greeted me was fear.
One of my favorite messages I used to tell my students was - dream big!! Now, I can't help but feel I dare not. I dare not look to the future and dream, hope, and plan.
Season of uprooting... I don't know how long more this is going to last... or how much more of this I can take. But somewhere deep down inside... I remember Ezekiel... The Lord will make the tall tree go short and the short tree grow tall.... He will make the green tree dry up and the dried tree flourish... then all the trees of the field will know that He alone is Lord. And I also remember that His grace is still exceeding, abundant, above and beyond everything I dare dream...
Oh Lord... May You come and come quickly... Give me hope and help me dream again... My soul thirsts for You...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
There goes another one...
About 8 months ago I wrote a post... fly birdie fly... Tonight I shall write another one...
I thought it would get easier... the whole 'watching them grow up and leave the nest' experience. But tonight proved me wrong. Phoebe spread her wings and flew off to US tonight. At a tender age of 15, she's off to battle the world of American high schools, super cold weather and living in a basement.
There's something special about Phoebe... something that made it so so so hard to restraint myself from chaining her to me and saying "No, you are not leaving!!!". *sigh* The hardest part of doing the work I do is the relationship part. Everyone of them make at least one difference in my life. Tonight, I had to hold back and choke on my tears because yet another precious one has left the nest. Deep down I want so much for them to just stay where they are... But they have a whole life waiting for them! So many journeys God would like to take with them! So many more places to go and lives to impact! I know my students (each and every one of them) are life-changers!
Oh Lord, grant me the ability to stay above my emotions... Sigh... I don't know why I'm feeling these much emotions... I think I'm PMS-ing...
Safe flight Phoebe.
I thought it would get easier... the whole 'watching them grow up and leave the nest' experience. But tonight proved me wrong. Phoebe spread her wings and flew off to US tonight. At a tender age of 15, she's off to battle the world of American high schools, super cold weather and living in a basement.
There's something special about Phoebe... something that made it so so so hard to restraint myself from chaining her to me and saying "No, you are not leaving!!!". *sigh* The hardest part of doing the work I do is the relationship part. Everyone of them make at least one difference in my life. Tonight, I had to hold back and choke on my tears because yet another precious one has left the nest. Deep down I want so much for them to just stay where they are... But they have a whole life waiting for them! So many journeys God would like to take with them! So many more places to go and lives to impact! I know my students (each and every one of them) are life-changers!
Oh Lord, grant me the ability to stay above my emotions... Sigh... I don't know why I'm feeling these much emotions... I think I'm PMS-ing...
Safe flight Phoebe.
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