Making sense of it all...

This is a modified excerpt of a message I left one of my former students who was concerned about how we were doing... I'm sure he and many others out there are equally concerned about us... I know some are afraid to ask in fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting us... others are just lost for words... So I thought I'd just let you know how we've been doing 24 hours since the news. It's not easy... and it's going to be a long journey... But that journey has to start somewhere. Better sooner than later.

There no easy way to deal with these parts of life... No one teaches you how to feel, how to react, what to say, and what to think... One moment you're planning a life with this person, and the next he/she's just gone. The word unexpected just doesn't seem to be adequate in this situation.

We did everything right. I ate right, slept early, didn't carry anything heavy, didn't run, didn't jump, went for my regular checkups, stayed away from second hand smoke, took no tinge of alcohol, took my folic acid pills daily, prayed for baby almost everyday... I did all I could to ensure his/her safety. But sometimes, there are things we just cannot control...

So many parts of my heart are aching and I never knew I had these many tears to cry. I know it's the same for Justin... We're both dealing with it in our own ways. But the impact is equal for the both of us as for our families and close friends.

But one thing remains, God is still good. He is so very good. We may not understand why He has to take baby away. Neither do we like it. But He sees things we can't... He knows things we don't... So in times like these... the only way we can survive is to believe and trust in faith that He is God, and He knows what He's doing... There was a reason why He had to take baby home... I will know why when I get home someday.

As for now, we praise God that baby is in heaven, and is spared the many sufferings that this world brings. Right now he/she is safe in the arms of Jesus, playing with the many children there and even with Justin's and my grandpa. Oh how blessed the child is to be born into a world with no tears, no suffering, no pain, only love... tremendous love. I will see my baby when I get to heaven. Although we're not physically parents on this earth... but spiritually we already are...

So does my heart still ache? Yes it does. I'm still tearing at every thought of the baby and what could've been. I am only human... But each time I think of who God is, it hurts less and the pain becomes more bearable. So the song was right... turn your eyes upon Jesus, and the things of this world will grow strangely dim...

Our lives were meant to be living testimonies. This is the testimony of my baby's life.