Surfing the waves

Recently read a devotional article where the author presented both sides of stormy seas. In a nut shell, you could either surf on it, or try to swim your way outta if which may eventually land you exhausted and you may just drown.

When the miscarriage (yes, still talking about it, cause there's so much to say!!) happened, we never asked why us. The question somehow was redundant. But people around us did. One dear dear friend asked, "but you're so close to God, how can He let this happen to you?". I answered, why not me? I'm not that all special also. *Stunned* God didn't promise me sunshine, He said rain will fall on EVERYONE (close to Him or not). God didn't promise me a trouble-free life, He promised me a good life. And as we know life in itself spells trouble. He didn't promise me smooth sailing rides and easy-to-walk roads, in fact the way to heaven is long, winding, and narrow.

So where did the misunderstanding come about? When do we, Christians, start thinking that now that we have God, everything will be perfect?

Please read on.

What God did promise is that He will hold me up so that my foot will not hit the ground. He said that He knows the plans He has for me, which are good plans to prosper and to give me a good life. He said that all who are weary and heavy laden can come to Him and they will find rest. He said that we can hide in the shadow of His wings. He said that when we seek Him with our whole heart, He will be found. And the list goes on!

I found the answer in the lyrics of the song Held by Natalie Grant. "The promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held." Such was the promise, that the God that we know, love, and serve has us in the palm of His Mighty hand. That come what may, He will have us held.

Because He is God, because He is the heavenly Father, because He is the creator of the universe, and because He is Almighty, we found that we could trust in Him, and to ultimately say that being held in the hands of God is more than enough. In fact it's the best place to be.

People grieve because they remember what they've lost. I had to rework my life to say goodbye to the plans and memories, to the could haves. I went about telling Justin, we would've made wonderful parents. All the shoulds, woulds, coulds have a way of making the grieve heavier. When we were done looking at things we've lost (actually it was me, Justin pretty much saw this earlier than I did), I turned to the only person I could - Jesus. And the peace came - not as a feeling - but as a new sense of understanding that we have indeed been held in His hands and we were surfing this big wave.

Before this, I only imagined what my faith would be like if a terrible thing would've happen to me. But it was interesting that when it happened, as sad, grieved, and teary as I was, I not only survived, I thrived. I could still find the joy in me, I could still run to God, I could still comfort others who were feeling for us. That is what being held in the hands of God is. That when you need Him the most, you WILL find Him. Sometimes not in the way we wish, but in the way He knows we need. He held me in one piece. I feel like I've been through fire and survived! XD

This feeling is exhilarating!

Everything we have are gifts from God. Car, house, family, job, children, even our lives are gifts from Him. He is the giver, He has the right to decide to whom He would like to give , and from whom He would like to withold. But many times we kick, scream, and throw a fit when we don't get what we ask for or what we want.

The fact is that God has already given us everything we need - Salvation. This period, my definition of the cross was reworked - the cross used to be a place where my sins were forgiven, now it is a place where hope was born, refuge was granted, and a good and prosperous future was promised. Because of the cross, we have hope for an eternal life where we will see our baby again and the pains of this world will end. Because of the cross we can continually and forever find rest in the shadow of His wings. Because of the cross we can be sure that He has already walked the path ahead of us and is gently guiding us to where He wants us to be - don't worry, the journey may seem unpleasant at times, but when we get there, Woo hooo.

We do want to try for another child when the time is right. We can choose to come together, but it is God who will decide to give or not to. If He decides to, HOORAY! But if not, it's really ok cause He is all we need.